This lesson started about 3 years ago, I met a lady online and had volunteered to help her. She suffered with full blown anxiety, ptsd, eating and sleeping disorder, the fixer in me, wanted to heal her, everyday, I sent her energy, however, she was a empty shell, so depression creeped in. Eventually, I suggested she come to South africa for healing, she did. My good intention, because a Pain infused Colleen, driven, by what I could do to heal her, instead of I am just the vessel. She had no selflove, so I became her battery source of energy. She sucked time and energy, each day.
The first few days in Pune, India was fun. I was surrounded by friends, food and fun, which was my focus and Intention, then things started to fall apart. Even though, I sent reiki ahead, the imbalance of the place and situation was way to much for me.
I noticed so many things which were out of balance, including, my dear friend. He had been married for 1 year, his wife suffered with anxiety and OCD. She would spend hours in the kitchen packing away dishes and re organising it, the same with Laundry. It was tiresome for me, as a empath. I felt her imbalance with herself/ her ancestors/ lack of self love, life in Pune was hard for me, I lived on the 3rd floor in a flat, the trees around the place was dusty and dying from the huge amount of pollution, carbon dioxide fumes, there was traffic 24 hours a day, the noise level was intense. (I chose not to treat her, as I could see, it would not help her, in the long run.)
By the 4th day, I felt spacy, not being able to feel the earth connection, I felt disconnected from True Earth spirit.
I could not hear my higher self, talk to me, the noise made it super difficult, to sleep, lack of sleep exhaustion crept in.
I was in a foreign country where English was not spoken, so even though, I read body language and thoughts, it became exhausting, to keep figuring out things, everyday. If you did not have a good interpretter, being a tourist, was super difficult.
The trucks, the cars, the bikes all hooted, there was no space, due to over population. Efficiency and service delivery was not a focus at all, there was no conscience in terms of ripping you off, it was just so.
By the 7th day, I started feeling super uncomfortable, I had intended to spend time with friends, but their life was busy, living a Masculine, 5th sensory, survival, non spiritual life, disconnected from their spirit, intuition and themselves.
When, I mentioned, how uncomfortable, I was, I was told that this is the PAIN for visiting India. I felt disgruntled, I felt disappointed and I felt sick. He pointed out, he never asked for my help? I had been feeling his imbalance for years, as I had taught him, Reiki level 1 and 2, there was a connection, but he chose another path.
This was not the same person, I taught, years ago.
The pollution of toxic psychic noise and carbon dioxide inhalation, started taking its toll. I decided, I needed to leave this space and found a hotel 4 hours later, after a huge meltdown in the 3 wheeler, tuk tuk, some friends helped with a uber cab, to the hotel. I had not had proper sleep in days, I slept the entire day.
To be in a clean space, well ventilated space, with no noise, was paradise. I decided to go for a walk and found a park.
The universe sent me a stranger, to console me, who then 5 minutes later, was inviting me to his house for vodka. I pointed out that I needed to cry and that I was super strong and could literally lift him off the ground and throw him, he got the message and disappeared.
The park, had the first grass I had seen in days, it felt good to breathe, fresh air, to feel the earth, once again.
Pune is pure city! 5th sensory life of eating, consuming, rushing, partying, being in the flow of city, soothing whatever, you desire. Mr Delivery, Ordering online, anything is available, 24 hours a day, you are able to buy anything. It is more expensive than the Midlands in South africa. Work. Eat. Sleep. Drink. Repeat.
Kill the earth with your litter, your carbon fumes and tomorrow, do the same. They do it, so naturally unaware, that it is normal and heart breaking, they are killing their planet.
Pune is not Auroville, it is bigger than Johannesburg. While I was searching for a hotel, driving in circles, using google maps, asking strangers for help, I realized, this is not my space or place of being.
What would have taken 1 hour in South africa time, takes many more hours in India, Pune.
Over population, traffic congestion, pollution, lack of awareness all took a big toll on me, walking this path, on my journey.
I started feeling flu ish, my nose, my chest, my bladder all felt pissed off and angry, at how uncomfortable, I was.
Excitement deflated, I was alone in a foreign place, I took out my pendulum and asked, should I go home, the answer was yes.
It took me all of 15 minutes, to amend my ticket home, my travel agent was on whats app and she quickly organised me a window seat, within a few hours, I was travelling to Mumbia, which took 5 hours in traffic, Pune to Mumbai.
I queued to get into the airport, I waited for the check in counter to open, 5 hours later.
I got my boarding pass, I was going home, I was sick, but happy to be on route to my shire.
I handed over my boarding pass, only to be told that, I had broken, a level 4 security brinch, I was escorted by 5 people to the luggage hangger to open, my baggage,I showed them, there was no danger. My bag was rescanned and they saw my pendulum, and I explained that it is used to measure energy. I was urged to sign a document, stating that it was not a threat, and the rush for my flight was on.
By, now, I was holding back the flight, we ran to the boarding hanger, I was the last person to board, flight Ek 501, Mumbai to Dubai.
The flight from Dubai to Durban, was amazing, I had 3 seats to myself, to sleep and just relax. I was looked after and fed well, and I could feel the African energy, once we crossed the Equator.
Two days of travel and I was completely drained, fallen out of love with India, completely.
Home. Silence. Nature. Safety. Shire. Fresh food. Clean water. Clean air.
The excitement of India, deflated, leaving me with 3 different infections.
Today, I visited my doctor and he said, it is good, I came home, as this could turn into pneumonia,
which is exactly, what I felt in, India, Pune.
Knowing myself well, knowing my limit, feeling a closure to visiting India, knowing a picture, is only one aspect of the scenery, there is so much, we miss, when I get sucked into the utopic naiivety of a time and space.
Forgetting to live in the NOW!
Accepting the lessons to learn, hard and heart breaking.
I am on the mend. My body is healing and I will analyse and learn from this, as I reflect upon it.
Shire, you are home, to my spirit. Thank you.
Time to do some introspection, Time to forgive myself, Time to embrace, just being human like everyone else, I make mistakes.
Reflecting on Lessons learnt :
- Having a friend / student for 10 years – warning them or mentoring them and they do not listen, makes it a toxic relationship.
- Toxic relationships are pollutants to empaths, especially emotions like anxiety, depression, ptsd, ocd, mental healthy conditions, which are “not treated” in India, as people are seen as mad.
- If you do receive a Level 1 / 2 / Reiki masters attunement, and you do not practise, there is negative karma attached to it, you become a Energy vampire, sucking energy from others, daily, polluting your vessel.
- I am the vessel of healing, I do not own it. Reiki is a wonderful tool, you need to master it and your journey.
- Sometimes, you can prepare and do your best, and shit still happens.
- As a empath, you feel what they do not say, but unless they ask for help, you cannot interfere.
- As a Teacher, of reiki, be detached, teach, but do not carry. People will do, what they do.
- Self sacrifice – is a dangerous thing – it results in dis-ease in your body, and depleted life force, choose self love instead.
- When your pain body is activated by NOISE, Pollution, Psychic noise and Energy of imbalance, it is difficult to hear your Higher self clearly, even more difficult to stay grounded in a country, that is imbalanced, know your limit and leave that toxic space.
- Rest – I wish I had rested more, so I could have handled it all better, but alas, I learnt hard lessons, that was needed.
- If you live in silence, visit places of silence. If you eat clean healthy food, visit places that has the same consciousness re food. If you have clean tap water, running down a valley of forest, visit a space with the same water values. If you live in nature, visit natural spaces only. Pollution both physical and other, will harm you.
- It is hard to find like -minded spirits out there, who resonate on the same frequency, who live with the same values for life, it is better to be alone, than conform to their’s, your own self peace is of more value.
- Appreciate your life, your space, you are good enough! and I do. I have been home for 4 days, and I decided to take February as a time of inner reflection and to overcome my flu. A time, to just be, is needed.
- Speak your truth always.
- Know your limit.
- Get rid of toxic people in your life, choose not to carry anyone, even if you run away. Toxic people, kills your spirit, I know from experience.
- Listen to your intuition, always. Act.
- Even if you are in the hardest possible situation, there is always a way out, Universe gives you an escape, take it.
- Take time to heal. Discreate the pattern, to go within, as to why this happened.
- Learn the lesson, then move on. Do not stay there, in the pain, it is done.