So, for the last 10 months, I have been digging deep into my own sexuality. I was raised heterosexual, but after dating 54 guys, as in Kiss and throw away scenario, I wanted a long last love, a love that, was amazing. In my young naïve self, I made a list, I chose characteristics with prayer and intention, Willem appeared a week later, and the rest, as they say, was history, or was it. . . I still felt unfulfilled, so I explored.
I needed answers. Books, the internet, nothing answered the desires and feelings, I experienced, so I went on a journey of the SCHOOL OF hard knocks.
MATURE CONTENT HERE! IF YOU ARE HOMOPHOBIC, please stop here.
My first gay experience with a woman, was 12 years ago, it ended eventually, after a lot of pain for all parties involved, resulting in growth. My second gay experience, another hard journey, filled with pain and eventually acceptance and growth. So, I was open to a 3rd experience, which turned out, that I, and every woman, in a sense, is looking for someone to take care of them, I am very sensitive to vibes and energies, and I can tell when I am being drained, so needless to say, this is my conclusion :
I don’t need you to judge me. I don’t need you to reject me. I don’t need you to condemn me, I can assure you, I have had loads of that from my family, my parents, my culture, which I am still healing from.
Everyone, can be hetero, bi, gay, pan sexual – whatever resonates with your body and soul, is your choice.
WHATEVER MAKES YOUR spirit and Soul Sing and makes you feel ALIVE, and be you’re AUTHENTIC SELF, do that.
Since the filters of my conditioning, have fallen off, two women, very close to me , have admitted to being SAPPHIC women at their core, which I love, as I love them as people, anyway.
LOVE CANNOT BE WRONG! from either a man or a woman, if it fills your heart, and you feel loved, go for it.
I LOVE LOVE! THATS MY CONCLUSION! I am a shaman, made of 2 spirits.
I see so many woman, trying to DE-MALE their male partners, maybe, time to consider, another way, maybe you are bi or gay or whatever.
It doesn’t matter, what matters, most, is that you be YOUR TRUE SELF, YOUR AUTHENTIC YOU.
My authentic self, is a gentle spirit, I give love freely, I am there for my love, I am loyal, I am, who I am.
Make no mistake, I am a feisty, kickass warrior, and I am not a force to be fucked with.
So, ladies, back to being wild women, within.
My partner Willem has taught me, to love my body, really love my body. I am not anti-men, at all, Willem has been the most instrumental person, in growing me, he wipes my tears, he is there, as I am for him. After, 20 years of growing, learning, becoming, who we are today, it is amazing, to still teach other, be present. I did a cleanse on Monday, which made me super sick, he was there, and just nurtured me. (I am doing a energy disconnection process, day 2! will share with you later.)
He actually confronted me about always writing from my male side, why don’t you share your female side, truth be told, I am scared, I have faced so much this year, that, sometimes, I just want to hide, in my cave, and not shine, because, it comes with responsibility, and my she self, is sweet, kind, vulnerable, she is always the little girl within. (tears flowing, as I write this)
I will share, I started to Connect with myself as a Woman, and my Vagina.
(if at this stage, you want to leave and unfollow me, please do!)
First off, I meditate, on filling the LITTLE GIRL within with LOVE, I THINK OF MY TEENAGER self, and fill her with love, and ADULT SELF, as I fill her with love, I feel whole, complete.
I use yoga, to breathe deeply, as Acceptance and Love, flows in.
I Reiki the little girl in me, where she was laying in hospital, for 3 months, feeling alone and abandoned, I Reiki her where she was scolded for “making a mess” in her pajama’s, when it was a man’s ejaculate, I comfort her and bring healing to her, daily.
I changed my wardrobe, and filled it with colour, with comfort sport bra’s and a pair cowboy boots and pantyhose.
I had my first tattoo. Affirming, love for me, UHANE, meaning SPIRIT – connecting to my tribe, and slowly slowly, they appear, I am finding more Aquarians, that are amazing, human beings, changing lives.
I write in my journal, everyday, my feelings, my lows, my highs, my life.
I started honouring my needs as a sexual woman, we need intimate love making, that rocks our world. Our wombs are a portals of intuition and pleasure, explore your needs.
As a woman, we want adventure, we want to explore, we want to meet new people, and I do!
Women are changing this world, I see it!
ALL VAGINAS are different, and that’s ok. As women, we are very unique, because, we all have different needs, but we CANNOT LIVE, disconnected from our sexual energy, or our spirituality.
Connecting with your VAGINA – place your right hand on your vagina, say, I accept you. Please your left hand on your womb, breathe, say, I embrace you. I embrace being a woman, being different, releasing life, bleeding, I am connected, I am. Part of honouring you, is also honouring your CYCLE. When I first started menstruating, I was told, its a burden, a chore, don’t get pregnant. That is no way to embrace yourself lovingly.
I keep track of my cycle, I count, the days, to my cycle, 21 days, 14 days to PMS, and I ensure that I eat well. Broccoli, fish, fruit, water, rest, if I honour myself, my periods, is a breeze and . . . .
when I enjoy my body, with lots of love making, MY PERIODS is a breeze, I have got it down, to just 2 heavy days and several light days, I don’t suffer the 7 day period hating thing. I use a moon cup, which is amazing, yet messy, but it works well.
Yes, I know, I am baring my soul today, but isn’t that what connecting with HONESTY AND AUTHENTICITY is about? Being TRUE TO WHO I AM.
Sharing my journey with you, as my tribe, as we have journeyed together, with smiles, with tears, because like you, I long for connection, not the social media connection, but the ONE WITH YOUR HEART and Intuition, because, we are all connected, with love.
If we all come ready, to share our truth, there will be less judgment, more love.
That is what this space is all about, Be yourself, Be . . . you.